When it rains, it pours.

First of all I would like to apologize for not posting in a while, it’s been a hell of a time. 

This week alone I have had more bad days than good and very few upswings to speak of but the one I did get was amazing and I’d like to talk about that first. I went for my sexing scan last Friday, and I am very happy to announce a lovely baby girl. Marceline lydia-ann is growing perfectly and super happy in there. I cried when the technician told me she was a girl. Happy tears of course. Either way I would have been insanely happy but a baby girl is the dream and I’m finally going to be living it. We have had lots of new things already and many donations on the way that I am eternally thankful for as our financial situation has taken a hit these last few months. I have been asked on other platforms if there is anything I would like or need help paying for and I will make a post within the next few days here that I can link those asking to. I be no means expect anything but if you feel you want to or just like to buy cute baby clothes I will have an Amazon wishlist and my PayPal email listed so keep a lookout for that. 🙂 

Now, to the bad. Somehow I couldn’t carry the feeling from the scan over even into that night with me. I went from the scan, home to get my things and straight into a sleep at work. For the most part it was a steady easy and calm shift but my mood had dropped considerably from that morning and I was finding it difficult to focus. That is where it started. From there onwards it was very hard for me to pick my mood back up again. With a backlog of house chores I’d been ignoring that I continued to ignore till two days ago and the stress of not only having to care for those I support but also my dog and our two guinea pigs that have somehow managed to all get fleas and mites respectively at the same time I was feeling the pressure to crumble. Finally the beginning of this week added more to the pile with new ‘rules’ at work that where not checked before being signed off and have left most of us support workers very annoyed. What we are being asked to do is unsafe for both us and those we support and I am currently in the middle of fighting it as I and other staff can not and should not be expected to work like they are asking us to. 

So as you can see, I started already on a fairly low emotional stance and have been beaten down more by outside influences. It is now a full week after I saw my baby girl and I’m desperate to start it over again so I could maybe try and keep that feeling a bit longer. Thankfully, I get another chance to see my girl next week as she was curled in such a way that the technician couldn’t get a couple full measurements that she needed but assured me from what she could see that everything was fine. So next week I get my second chance to hold onto that feeling hopefully longer than a few hours this time. 

So yes, it’s been all in all, a bad few weeks; however I will continue to push, claw and fight my way through and I will make it out the other side. I always do and now I have my little Marci to help me through it too. 

That’s all for today but I’ll leave you with this,

No matter how hard it gets, find something, anything, no matter how small to hold onto and don’t let it go. Find it in your dark moments and hold it tight. Weather its staying around and present for your pets, or waiting for that new season of that show you love to come out, grab it, don’t let go and keep moving forward. You can do this, I promise.

Stay strong, and heads as high as you can hold them friends xx

Lea. x


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