Today, I lost a friend. 

Before I start I would like to put out a trigger warning on this post for alcohol and drug abuse plus suicide. Please do not read this if any of those subjects may trigger you I do not want to harm anyone while releasing my own pain. 

I haven’t known her very long, a couple years at most. She was, lost, just like us. Alcohol and both prescription and illegal drugs were big coping mechanisms for her, unhealthy yes but that was her deal. Today I got a message from our mutual friend, one of my best friends, saying it was important and bad and I said I’d call her as soon as I could as I was on my way to work. All the way to work I worried. Was it her dad? Was she being kicked out? Was it her health? All viable options but what she had to say never crossed my mind. Our friend had been found dead in her apartment yesterday morning. So far, that’s all I know, but we highly believe it was either overdose (accidental or otherwise) or just straight up suicide. I made this call at work, I am still at work. Thankfully there was another member of staff that I am fairly close with there with me for an hour so I had time to make the call and to word vomit my feelings out alittle before she left. I feel, currently, just numb, shocked and numb. This was of course not news I expected to hear today and it’s knocked me down a lot. Her boyfriend has been in touch as is coming up in a couple weeks to spend some time with us and hopefully attend the funeral. I am going to do my shifts until he comes up and call in to take time off for him and my friend and I to grieve together. 

Other than that I am lost and do not know what to do. All I know is she is gone and we must deal with it together. We will miss her and we will let it make us stronger together.

I want to let anyone who is or has been through this that I am here if you want to talk and that you can carry on after such a tragedy. 

Now more than ever, stay strong and hold your heads high.

Lea. x

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